You know you are obsessed by The Big Bang Theory when…
* You play “Rock-Paper-Scissors-Lizard-Spock” to resolve disputes.
* You do three knock cadences when summoning someone.
* You know all the words to “Soft Kitty.”
* You have sung the aforementioned song as a round.
* You shout “We built the pyramids!” during the theme song.
* You know that Tweedy Bird really “taht he taw a Romulen.”
* Your comeback to bullying is “a homo habilis discovering its opposable thumbs says what?”
* You label everything in the house, including the label maker.
* You know the full names of Leonard, Sheldon, and Raj.
* You know that when you understand the laws of physics that anything is possible *insert evil laugh*
* You can recite one or more of Sheldon’s “typical psychotic rants.”
* You know that autotrophs don’t drool, but you love the theme song anyway.
* When you watch Star Wars, you say, “We defeated the empire!”
* You compare your boyfriend to Ernie from “Sesame Street.”
* You know the difference between the Doppler Effect and “A brain-damaged choo choo train.”
* You interpret hugs based on the length in “Mississippis.”
* Corduroy suits suddenly don’t seem so bad.
* You call your collection of nerdy belongings “Nerdvana.”
* You want luminous fish.
* Unimpressed by the ‘performance’ of a significant other, you flatly refer to them as “you magnificent beast.”
* You use Schrödinger’s cat as metaphors for relationships.
* You shout “Bazinga!” when celebrating the tricking of someone.
* You play the element game with your friends in the car.
* You’ll buy things because “the man on the box looks so happy!”
* You have a sarcasm sign.
* You compare platonic relationships to “individually wrapped slices of cheese.”
* You know that “credit card, alcohol and TV are a bad combination,” and “It was just a hug,” really is Penny-Speak for, “It means I wish you weren’t going.”
* You know you can call “dibs” because you can look it up on Wikipedia.
* You have a board.
* You try to blow up someone’s head with your mind.
* You tell people that you’ve “got your geek on.”
* You know that ANYTHING beats, “you know I’m a dude,” right?
* You know all the words to the theme song.
* You have an Honorary Justice League of America membership card because it says “keep this on your person at all times,” under Batman’s signature.
* You use “AFK” as a busy status on the computer.
* You weave “Un-unwravelable” webs while lying.
* You play “Mock the Flawed Technology” with a cell phone.
* In restaurants, you don’t allow “substitutions, eliminations,” or “reductions.”
* You know the advantages of buying in bulk.
* You’d pick the museum of natural history over the planetarium because they have dinosaurs.
* You reference Star Trek battle scenes as a means of explaining yourself.
* You can name seven guys Penny has been with.
* You know that someone’s in the kitchen with Dinah “cuz I sold my soul to the company store.”
* You tell someone, in Mandarin, that their monkey sleeps inside you.
* You know it’s a little wrong to say a tomato is a vegetable and a lot wrong to say it’s a suspension bridge.
* You refer to things as “a hoot and a half.”
* Someone suggests something preposterous and you agree to it, suggesting afterwards to go pilin’ in a pickup and go skinny dipping down at the crick.
* You look for the acoustic sweet spot in a movie theater.
* You know that what happens in costume at Comic Con stays at Comic Con!
* You have a tie that works as two, and yet doesn’t even work as one.
* You have a friendship algorithm.
* Someone respects one of your idiosyncrasies and you offer them chocolate.
* You inform people you are hitting on what your race invented, adding, “You’re welcome.”
* You imitate Admiral Akbar saying “It’s a trap!”
* Someone you know storms away and you respond by sticking up your pinkie and saying “sisters?”
* You know that nothing is interesting about caves.
* You tell brave friends that minstrels will write songs about them, taking the part of the minstrel.
* You say “hola, nerdmigos!”
* You laugh at the same things over and over again.
* You have the picture of the LOL Cat that wants to “Haz Cheezeburger.”
* Your excuse for getting teased about a nerdy possession is “it’s a lot cooler when girls aren’t looking at it.”
* You refuse to cut open a dumpling.
* You name your cat Sergeant Fuzzy Boots.
* You understand why one can’t wear a warrior flight suit on Halloween.
* You can no longer read “The Little Engine That Could.”
* Your alternative name for sex is “hyna klyna bang-bang music!”
* You know that the check engine light being on means that you should…you know…check your engine!
* You understand that for someone to miss you, you have to be gone.
* You diagnose Tourettes Syndrome when someone randomly swears.
* You really want a Snuggie, so you can get “all snoodled up.”
* After greeting your parents, you say, “I’m not drunk,” afterwards explaining that you are just making conversation.
* You say, “Holy crap on a cracker!”
* You start ordering your barbecue bacon cheeseburger with “barbecue, bacon, and cheese on the side.”
* You have a favorite place to “kick back after a quest.”
* You call your boyfriend your little homunculus.
* You instruct people you are feuding with to kiss your Barbie.
* You want to be a rabbit king.
* After making a date with someone, you inform them that you’ll get your chisel.
* You are suddenly afraid of every shower without adhesive ducks.
* You add “bam!” to the end of every sentence.
* You try to make corn starch and water dance on a stereo.
* You say “shmear me,” and know what that means.
* You know that love is a relentless pursuit that only ends when she falls into your arms or hits you with the pepper spray.
* You know the difference between “centrifugal” and “centripetal” force.
* You hear “manganese” and laugh to yourself.
* You celebrate “Anything Can Happen Thursday.”
* You hear someone say “PMS” or “AA,” and think of the Perpetual Motion Squad and the Army Ants.
* You end all voice messages with, “It’s Howard.”
* Your response to people questioning your behavior is “it’s an experiment.”
* You tell people that they need to picture you with a giant squid head.
* You inform people that it is “Junior Rodeo On!”
* You continue to root for Leonard and Penny despite cliffhangers and teases.
* You sort your cereal by fiber content.
* A Mexican Hairless is mentioned and you say, “annoying little animal; yip yip yip!”
* You know the name of every episode…
* …in order.
* You order Virgin Diet Cuba Libres at bars.
* You know you’re not insane because your mother had you tested.
* You can be persuaded by Spock’s Dying Words.
* You say that a relationship that ended badly “crashed to the ground like blue ice falling out of an airplane lavatory.”
* You explain that the seat beside you is taken by “my physics bowl trophy!”
* You can name at least five nicknames for Sheldon.
* You call yourself or a particularly spontaneous acquaintance, “a big ol’ five.”
* You see multiple interpretations of titles, such as, “The Monopolar Expedition.”
* You don’t want Sheldon to ever-ever, get a girlfriend.
* You know how many days it is to the next new episode (even over a summer).
* You do a high pitched “he he he he he he!” when trying to be intimidating.
* You use lines from the show in casual conversation.
* You have a bowl for your keys.
* You hold out the word “bowl” when discussing your bowl for keys.
* You award “strikes” to your friends for breaking unwritten “rules” in your home.
* You want Sheldon’s contraption that folds laundry.
* You try to smash a flash frozen banana.
* You call yourself “the small package good things come in” when trying to pick up girls.
* You disguise your voice over the phone and ask people why they are calling at such an “ungodly” hour.
* You get a new friend and start chanting “one of us, one of us…”
* You make sure your temporary bed is oriented with the headboard away from the door.
* Someone asks who you are and you say, “I am Sheldon’s cousin Leo…”
* A friend tells someone that they are dead to them, and you go on to explain exactly what that means.
* The first thing you share with people about yourself is your Zodiac sign.
* After listening to a painful melody, say with a lot of emotion, “God, that’s a good song!”
* You won’t have anyone touch your food.
* You look up the definition of “quantum mechanics” because it’s referenced so much.
* You have a special “spot” you always must sit in.
* You want “the bleep” to be replaced by a boing! and an atom picture…
* And when you don’t need any more explanation on the previous statement.
* You tell people you are arguing with that “you and I are about to have a problem.”
* You are asked to tell a secret and reply “I’m Batman! Shhh!”
